Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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