She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
