just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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