Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
