If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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