so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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