Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
