i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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