I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
