last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
