Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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