i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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