i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
