he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
