FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
