eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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