i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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