he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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