It's Friday. Sex?
You smell like stripper and shame
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i've created a new STD.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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