What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
