I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
