look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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