you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
