ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
