i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
