Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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