[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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