I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
