she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
