I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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