How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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