Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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