Tell her she can't have a vagina
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
