you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
