Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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