The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
