So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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