dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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