i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
