if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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