but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
