ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
