I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
