Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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