I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
