this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Boobs are out for the taking
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
