4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My brain says no but my pants say off.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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