I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
