Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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