i jhust puked up my retainher.
my phone needs a breathalizer
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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