and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
