dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
