god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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