We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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