Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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