did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
