I just saw a hot homeless man
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
