Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
