I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
