I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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