I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize