Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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