I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
