i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my phone needs a breathalizer
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
