We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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